my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
