No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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