Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
