come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i love accidental penises.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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