dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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