I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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