Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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