So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
