And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
