put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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