Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
