I just threw up on my dentist
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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