My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
