speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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