I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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