My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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