and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize