But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
