Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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