she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
