just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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