Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
