why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
