i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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