she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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