I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you win again, gameday.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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