he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
