there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
