What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
