She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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