fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
