fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
