My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
