I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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