I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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