i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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