Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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