Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
