Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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