it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm really busy with my period
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