So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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