Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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