im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
