I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Small penises have feelings too.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
