Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
