Got a toothbrush?
from now on my penis is your penis
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
