I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize