I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
