I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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