He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
