walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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