So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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