this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
