That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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