i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
