it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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