haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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