if you like me you must not know who I am
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
