Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
