it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
