Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
