she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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