I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
worst night to have a conscience
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
