I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.