I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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