So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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