You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
