Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
