You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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