someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
